Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Finding Stillness

We have recently rented an apartment in San Miguel, partly for ease in embarking on a new business venture that requires we be here, and partly to shake things up and gain inspiration from a new location. While it has been exciting and enchanting, it has also posed challenges. For one, 4 days out of the week the family is separated which brings up jealousy issues and a feeling of lack of belonging, but has also, in a strange way, brought us closer. Like the old saying says "absence makes the heart grow fonder." While Mom gets her much needed alone time and I get to pursue dancing, something that has been a huge missing in my life since I moved to Mexico two years ago, there is also a feeling of unease here, if not in all my family members, in me.

When I am in Pozos, I am perfectly content sitting, listening to the birds, watching the sun rise and set, but in San Miguel, it is as if the city begs for activity, beckoning me to take part or miss out. I feel hyper and on edge thinking of what I could be buying, eating, seeing, instead of simply enjoying the moment, something that comes so naturally when I am removed from the hustle and bustle. It occurred to me last night as I was laying in bed that in order to find the peace that I so desire regardless of my location, I must delve inside myself and find it.

It is difficult to resist the urge to run at the rate of the city, but for me, it is necessary. My soul needs down time for contemplation and my mind requires stillness to rejuvenate. It will be an ongoing battle, sort of the devil and angel on opposite shoulders, to find stillness in a whirlwind of movement, to create silence in a room full of noise, but it will also be a much needed exercise in gaining temperance and balance in a new home, and I gladly accept the challenge.

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