Monday, May 31, 2010


Opening to the power of intention, you begin knowing that conception, birth, and death are all natural aspects of the energy field of creation. Clinging to attempts to think or reason your way to intention is futile. By banishing doubt and trusting your intuitive feelings, you clear a space for the power of intention to flow through. This may sound like hocus-pocus, but I prefer to think of it as emptying my mind and entering the heart of mystery. Here, I set aside rational thoughts and open to the magic and excitement of an illuminating new awareness.
-Dr. Wayne W. Dyer The Power of Intention

My bright pink and orange paisley bag is packed and sitting beneath the fireplace mocking me. Small spurts of energy devoted to nesting projects are divided by long periods of reading and resting. I feel sluggish and exhausted most of the time and to say that I am restless would be a gross understatement. To add to my anticipation, each member of my family systematically checks in on me, offering sounds of sympathy, labor induction remedies, and most commonly "when is she gonna come out?!" Though it is more than easy to give in to my feelings of frustration and lack of control, I am seeking a new direction.

Modern medicine has taken much of the mystery and reality out of the experience of pregnancy and childbearing. We get ultrasounds every step of the way to tell us our baby's size, position, estimated age, and sex. Women can ask to be induced and receive drugs to numb their bodies against one of the most elemental and miraculous occurrences one can have. As a culture, we have abandoned all of our trust in the unknown and subjected ourselves to numerous invasive tests all in the vain of knowing more than we are meant to.

While my demeanor in the last week has been edgy to say the least, I am doing my best to let go of my attachment to knowing. Thoughts of when and how Tallulah will come into my arms have infiltrated my mind, but I am seeing that the small amount of energy I possess is better spent exploring the positive aspects of my situation. Perhaps my prolonged pregnancy is one last lesson offered to me by the universe before I become a mother; the lesson that patience and trust are virtues of ultimate achievement. While I am 55 pounds larger than my usual self, experience constant fluctuation in temperature and mood, have trouble standing or sitting for extended periods of time, and am in the bathroom more often than any other room of the house, I can still see (with the help of deep breathing, spiritual reading, and my mom) the value in this period of limbo. If all else fails, I remind myself that I have waited 40 weeks for her arrival, a few more days simply isn't a bad bargain for the wonderful gift I am soon to receive.

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