Desire

The house glowed from the inside like a jack-o'-lantern. Sometimes I'd step outside and look through the windows, a dozen or so candles inside, as cheery as birthday cake - the 12 by 12 point lit with primordial fire amid dark woods - and I'd feel this smile spreading across not just my face but my spirit as well, lifting me with a feeling of emotional weightlessness.

-William Powers Twelve by Twelve

When I came to Mexico almost 2 years ago, I had absolutely no idea what I wanted. Being in a relationship that muddled any sense of self worth and not ever allotting time for meditation, I felt that I was caught in limbo, that my desires would never be fulfilled, but worse yet, I didn't even know what they were.

18 months of time here has drastically changed that. In all of my reading and life experience some of my wantings have become abundantly clear, so much so that I had a mini break down last night. I was desperately sharing the details of my inner wants with Mom when she said something that turned my sour mood around: "Be grateful, you know what it is you want. Start manifesting." So here is where the ball starts rolling, with a written account of my dearest desires.

1) I want hens, layers, so I can have free range organic eggs in my backyard. So much so, that I have started reading Chickens in your Backyard to prepare myself for the task ahead.

2) I need a place for the chickens to run free, which brings me to my next point; a farm house with lots of land. This farm house in Southern France:

3) I love to bake. I love it so much I am willing to give up sleep and venture to the kitchen at absurd hours of the morning to make cakes, scones, and pastries in the solitude of pre-dawn. I want a bakery where I can make raw, gluten-free, and traditional goods with fresh and organic ingredients. A place with white walls and high ceilings and fair trade organic designer coffee, live music and a library of my favorite books.

4) I want to grow berries and greens and herbs, a garden to sustain our family. A place where seeds are planted, cared for, and brought into bloom to be used in the kitchen eliminating the need for neatly packaged and imported goods fueling a damaging global force.

5) After reading the pages in 12 by 12 (one of the best books I've ever had the pleasure of reading) about his experience with candlelight, I sought out matches and candles and gave it a whirl. In not using overhead lights or lamps, I found how subtle and unobtrusive candlelight is in comparison. Maybe when the sun vanishes the darkness isn't meant to be resisted with illuminating bulbs rather felt in it's entirety, a flickering flame lending just enough light to aid with sundown tasks. This being said, I want to use candles as my sole source of light.

6) Composting toilets. Granted this may be TMI for many of you, but what a tremendous waste of both water and fertilizer conventional toilets are! I would be happy to be the one responsible for disposing of the waste as it would only cause our garden to flourish and diminish the need to waste innumerable amounts of precious water.

7) Mom is resposible for turning me on to the benefits of water catchment, and as it is something she is passionate about, it is a subject we have all become privy to. It would bring me endless amounts of joy to make use of inevitable rain water in place of depleting what's left of the world's water supply.

Over all I wish to live in an enviroment where my home merges with the life around it, where I can take pride in what I am doing and know that I am contributing my efforts to conserve. I yearn to feel my connection to the earth via living simply and placing emphasis on the important things; family, nutritious food, and laughter.

That's all for now, I'll continue to update as each of these points develops further.