Tuesday, August 3, 2010

The Fullest

Yesterday I sat in the passenger seat of my mom's car on the way home from San Miguel as I have a hundred times before, I leaned my head to the side and glanced out my window and was overwhelmed with how majestic the scenery was, the mountains in particular. I was struck by how, in all of my monotonous car rides, I had never noticed the sensational terrain. In all of my awe I noticed that my ignorance in regards to my surroundings is a sort of metaphor for my dealings in life.

Until recently my life had been akin to driving on the open road, staring straight ahead, tuning out my peripheral visions in pursuit of getting there. Whether there was graduating from college or arriving at work, I was never content, always in anticipation of my next step and paying no attention to the present moment. I had a series of steps to go through everyday, and I completed them with little enthusiasm, and as a result I was never satisfied. As I achieved one landmark I would begin looking forward to the next one, invariably thinking that the next milestone would deliver happiness, and it never did. I started to become a terminal malcontent, grumpy and exhausted.

The transition that moving to Mexico entailed was surely not an easy one, but I wouldn't trade the bumps in the road for anything, as they have taught me so much about myself and life in general. Something about the mountains and the lack of commercial businesses has forced me to live in the present moment and trained me to act with an attitude of appreciation. And, though my physical surroundings have had a lot to do with my feelings of peace, I can, more than anything, attribute my ability to be at ease to my daughter. In the two months since she was born, I have spent hours staring at her. With every coo and gurgle she produces my reverence at the wonders of my reality grow. 

I no longer live in anticipation of the benchmarks that speckle my life map, instead I live my days one at a time. I am excited to wake up in the morning and start my days as I never know what each one will behold. I trust my inner thoughts and blow in whichever direction the dessert wind takes me, and I am happy.

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