Friday, October 29, 2010


Throughout my life, home has become quite a fluid concept for me. In my 22 short years, I have lived in 9 different houses and, being a product of divorced parents, have become hardened to splitting my time between households, having to adapt every 2 weeks to calling a different place home. I recall upon each place with great nostalgia, remembrance of the upset it caused me each time mom declared we were moving, and the deep sadness I felt when we parted with 7 beeebe, the house I spent most of my formative years in. I always felt extremely attached to the place, only now, as I prepare to board a plane back to the city I grew up in, am I seeing that it was never about the place, it was about the people in it. 

I spent yesterday trying to soak up every last ounce of Casa Montana, becoming saddened as each minute passed that I was leaving my present home, with all of it's quirks and comforts, behind. In my state of slight self indulgence, I failed to acknowledge the real reason for my angst, that I would soon be leaving my people, the people who define my reality and who I love so much. I spent so much of the day saying silent farewells to the structure that would be only a piece of architecture if it weren't for the family occupying it, and it was only in the middle of the night that I realized the ridiculousness of how I spent the last 12 hours. 

In a perfect world, I would have every person I love in this wonderful place with me, but I believe that this tearing between worlds is yet another lesson provided for me. I have never been one crazy about change. Even if my day plan varies slightly form what I had previously set out, it takes me a while to adjust and get over the unwanted blemish in my carefully programmed schedule. Now, being plucked from Pozos where the most eventful part of each week is delivering scones to San Miguel and being tossed back into the chaos of city life, I will be pushed to put my attempts at becoming more adaptable to the test. Yes, I will miss my Mexico clan terribly, but it does me better to focus on all of the lovely people I get to reunite with while in my hometown, because that is what it is all about, the reason for my travel in the first place, to spend time with with friends and family who I care for deeply.

They say home is where the heart is, my heart resides in several different locations, between paying homage to days past and manifesting the future, which is perhaps why I feel this bittersweet dichotomy when confronted with traveling between them. 

1 comment:

  1. so weird! i just wrote a blog with a very similar sentiment, and my newspaper article is along the same lines of "place"...strange...but beautifully written as usual my friend. lovez you.